On the weekend, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop at the UBC Life and Career Center on perfectionism. I have always seen myself as a perfectionist, but I did not necessarily see it as a bad thing, or something that was holding me back. I have always equated perfectionism with excellence, but looking back over the past while, I see how perfectionism has held me back from living my life. I am reminded of a coaching workshop that I took a few months ago where the discussion was about when we fail to acknowledge what we "can't be with", it will run our life until we truly learn to be with it. I had a list of things that I thought that I could not be with, but the instuctor saw that one of the biggest things for me was not being able to "get it". He saw that I had a hard time when I could not get something right away and be perfect at it, even if I was doing it extremely well. My mother tells me that I have been like this since I was really little - feeling that the world was going to end if I did not receive one of the best marks in the class, etc. Yoga challenges this habit that I have. I initially got frustrated when I thought I was not flexible enough or doing the poses perfectly enough, but with constant reassurance from many teachers, I have realized that yoga is truly about the process and how mindful you are when you are doing the poses. I often feel that I just don't seem to "get it" with my life, but I am forgetting that it is a process, not a one time thing we achieve.

This weekend's perfection workshop was really timely as it showed what an impact this behaviour has had on my life. It has served me in some ways, but I made the mistake of equating perfectionism with excellence, but there is a huge difference between the two. I especially did not see how perfectionism and procrastination were so linked. The most widely held view of procrastinators is that they are lazy, not perfectionists, but when you are afraid to make a mistake, you will put off taking action. This past year I have made a lot of mistakes, and rather than seeing them as opportunities for growth, I have been frustrated with myself, feeling that I had made permanent mistakes that could never be recovered from. I seem to have made the most "mistakes" in the areas that mean the most to me, but perhaps that means that I was taking a few more risks and maybe they didn't turn out the way I had expected, but it was a starting point to greater growth, if allowed to unfold that way. When moving towards your heart's desires, it is not the time to be paralyzed with fear!

Perfectionism is not a healthy pursuit of excellence. There are big differences between perfectionists and healthy achievers. Perfectionists believe that mistakes must never be made and that the highest standards of performance must always be achieved. Those who strive for excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in trying to meet high standards. Perfectionists on the other hand are full of self doubts and fears of disapproval, ridicule and rejection. Perfectionists tell themselves that their determination to be perfect will result in success, acceptance, love and fulfillment, yet the opposite usually occurs. Even when perfectionists do achieve, the methods they use can deprive them of the very love and acceptance they truly want.
The next time you make a mistake, see it as opportunity for growth and learning, rather than as evidence of your unworthiness. The most important thing that you can do as a is to keep on moving, rather than being worried about making another mistake. Trust yourself to be able to deal with things as they come up, make changes accordingly and keep on going.

Some Characteristics of Perfectionism
Preoccupied with making the right choice or fear of making errors (leading to procrastination)
Chronic inner pressure to use every minute productively
Restrictive control on feelings and keeping people at a distance
Controlling vulnerability (via trying to only show a product that is perfect)
Things are spoiled easily if everything is not just right
"Imposter Syndrome" - Fear of being found out

Types of Perfectionism
Self Oriented - You have perfectionistic expectations of yourself
Other Oriented - You do not expect perfectionism of yourself, but you expect it of others
Socially Prescribed - What you think others expect of you, that it is coming from "out there"

Questions to consider
List the advantages and disadvantages of trying to be perfect.
What costs or impact is it having on your self-esteem, emotions, relationships, performance, ability to enjoy your life?
In what ways can you begin to reconnect more with who you are, not just what you do?

Weekly words of Wisdom
"In order to go on living, one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism" Hannah Arendt

Have a great week,
Sherri

Amy will be giving a workshop in Vancouver Sept 13-16, 2005

To Register or Inquire, Contact Nirvana School of Yoga:
604-542-0392 info@nirvanaschoolofyoga.com